We all carry some hurt towards our parents.

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Some of us are aware of it and understand it, while others have pushed these feelings deep into the subconscious mind and no longer feel them. We try to justify them or want to “forgive” them..

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Whatever we do, carrying these feelings within ourselves prevents us from accepting our parents as they are - and it has a profound impact in all areas of our lives.

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How does it show up?

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When we can’t accept our parents (our roots), we can’t feel whole. We don’t truly know who we are, we can’t find our path, and we wander through the world unable to find our place.

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Because we are missing them - we feel an inner emptiness, an unexplainable sadness, which we try to fill with other people, achievements, or money.

 

When we push our parents out of the place that rightfully belongs to them, we start to play roles in our relationships - becoming a daughter or a mother to our partner, or the other way around - the man becomes a son or a father to his woman.

 

It also happens that we try to punish our parents. Through our partner. Because we project one of our parents onto them.

 

Or, if we feel a great deal of anger and hatred towards our parents and do everything we can not to be like them, we often don’t even notice how we become just like them - or end up creating lives that look exactly the same as theirs.

 

At some point in life, many people have said to themselves:
“I will never be like my mother…”
“I will never be like my father…”

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But somehow, life ends up leading them down the same path, and they create a life that looks very similar - or even exactly the same.

 

We are part of our family system - and that system is our family. Everyone in it - has their own rightful place.

 

When we carry deep hurt toward our parents - when we’re angry at them, when we hate them or blame them - we try to push them away and desperately want to be different from them.

But when we don’t allow ourselves to love and accept them, the only way to feel close to them is to become like them. We unconsciously create our lives in ways that reflect theirs - sometimes almost exactly.

Because the more we run from them, the more our inner child longs to reclaim the right to love his parents. And the only way to feel close to them is to become just like them.

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To return to your place and to be able to accept your parents, you don’t need to forgive them. That doesn’t work.

You need to look at their lives from aside and see the reasons why they are the way they are, and why they made certain choices in life - even the ones that hurt us.

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This lecture is not about “forgive and forget.”

The purpose of this lecture is to help you understand the reasons behind your parents’ choices and learn to accept them. Because even if their actions hurt you, they also served you in some way.

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Until we accept our parents, we cannot fully receive what they HAVE given us. And what they gave us is the most important thing - our life.

 

By holding on to resentment, we refuse their gift and keep ourselves turned toward the past. We close the doors to joy, fulfilment, and happiness - and cannot move forward into the future, into our own lives.